All I want for Christmas: Last-minute Christmas gifts to treat your best bitches!
December 16, 2016
Right, it's the week before Christmas. If your shopping isn't complete, shit just got real.
Forget about buying stuff for your random distant relatives - it's time to find some awesome shit for your best mates. With a limited time-frame and a depleted budget, it's common to panic-buy total guff just so we have something to give our favourite ladies and rarely is it something they would want or need. So farewell bastarding comedy socks - Hobbywhores have some suggestions that can be acquired by Christmas for under £25.
Consider a nice book:
A nice book written by a funny, sweary feminist which will give them a titter.
Caitlin Moran's lady-bible 'How To Be A Woman' (£6.29) is a dead cert and, for those who want advice on how to look lovely without being talked at by a basic bitch, Sali Hughes' 'Pretty Honest' (£11.89) is another fab addition to the bookcase. Our final choice is 'The Life Changing Magic Of Not Giving A Fuck' (£9.99) by Sarah Knight. It promises to show the reader 'how to stop spending time you don't have doing things you don't want to do with people you don't like' - and it works! Super duper!
A bath treat that won't get re-gifted:
It is easy to fall into the trap of walking into Boots and buying huge shipments of cut-price Soap & Glory. But don't.
It doesn't look glam and it probably sounds boring, but if your mate is a fan of the bath you literally cannot get a better bath soak than this one: Mio Liquid Yoga (£26). It's like having a really good massage whilst lying in your own bathroom, which means you can eat selection boxes and drink wine at the same time which you can't do in a spa.
Jeepers creepers, gifts for peepers:
We all have eyeballs, therefore we all need good mascara. I was in the process of filling a basket with generic Christmas gift crap such as socks and crap Christmas scented bubble bath in Debenhams when I caught myself on and got my chum one of these Lancôme mascara gift boxes instead. For £23.50 you get mascara, eyeliner and either eye makeup remover or a lipgloss. You can also get these in Boots and House of Fraser.
Relive your youth:
Maybe you had it first time round, keeping the card with Mark on it under your pillow so you could dream of hanging out at the Mall with him. Maybe your parents were churchy and wouldn't let you have it. Either way, you're a grown-up now and if you buy your mate Dream Phone (£18.99) you can play it whenever the fuck you want.
Frilly, floofy, itchy underwear is all well and good but actually it's not - you're going to get a yeast infection. Treat you mate's doot to these most practical of M&S pants (£12). They are the kind of under-stated, classic pant which will neither render men breathless with lust nor result in an exclamation of disgust, should she find herself in an unexpected sexy scenario. They come in bikini, shorts or high leg, they wash a million times without looking done, they are SO comfy and you can't see them through anything. Hurrah!
Brush up your skillz:
These Real Techniques brushes (£24.99), whilst not the most expensive brushes are the market, are pretty damn good. They last well, are easily cleaned and will enable your chum to throw out all her minging old make-up brush tat for a fresh start in 2017.
This is truly the finest Christmas present I ever received. Give your friend the gift of oozy gooey cheese encased in really crunchie bread with a toastie maker (£14.99). Go for a model which creates the old-school crunchy triangles - none of this panini wank. Perhaps put together a toastie hamper to go alongside it so that she can spend all the Christmas holiday alternating between Galaxy Caramel toasties, cheese and baked bean toasties and, a seasonal favourite, entire Christmas dinner toasties!
How have these unicorn pumps on ASOS (£25) not sold out in every size? HOW? Get some!